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All posts for the month May, 2016

Dear asshole neighbor,

Published May 22, 2016 by authorbebedora

Dear asshole neighbor,

Actually, you’re not technically the neighbor.  You live four houses down.  But tonight, at 8:25 pm, you began mowing the neighbor’s lawn.  I don’t know why you’re doing it and he’s not.  And I really don’t care.

You see, I’m calling you an asshole tonight for the sheer fact that it is EIGHT THIRTY AT NIGHT.  The sun is almost down, for fuck’s sake.  More importantly, I just put the boy to bed.  I literally said goodnight to him, closed his door and walked into the living room just in time to see you start that fucking mower.

Now, I’ll admit that the neighbor’s lawn is an absolute eyesore.  The grass is to my knees, that’s no joke.  Last year, the guy let it go just about this long before mowing for the first time.  It looks like shit, there’s no denying that.  I don’t know if he’s paying you to do it, or if you just got sick of looking at it.  Frankly, I don’t care.  What I do care about is that you’re keeping my extremely overtired child awake.  A child that was up before 6am this morning and really needs to go to sleep.

I’d also like to mention that I have no qualms about laughing at you right now, as your mower kills every 90 seconds trying to get through the savannah that is the neighbor’s yard.  What did you learn?  It would be a shame if you’d have to buy a new mower because you murdered it cutting grass that isn’t yours…AT EIGHT THIRTY AT NIGHT.

You know what your punishment should be?  How would you like it if at, oh, 6am…I mow your lawn?  Wake up your kids?  Don’t tempt me, pal.  Don’t tempt me.

In closing, you’ve been at this for ten minutes, during that time your mower has died no less than ten times.  Make that eleven…you just had to restart it again.  My child has called for me multiple times asking when the noise will stop.  I’ve had to close all my windows and doors to try and make the house quieter.  We don’t get a lot of nice warm days here in the upper midwest before June, so I’m even pissed at you for the fact that now my house is closed.

Thirteen kills…

I hope your mower breaks.  There, I said it.  I hope you have to buy a new one.  Thanks for disrupting bedtime by being a jackass.

Furiously yours,

Me.

PS:  the roof on your house is REALLY UGLY.

PPS:  fourteen kills…dude, give up.

 

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Poor ignored blog…

Published May 2, 2016 by authorbebedora

Yes, I know it’s been five months.  Yes, I feel bad.  My poor, sweet little blog.  But, cut me some slack.

This winter and “spring” (I use that term loosely here in Brew City) have been a whirlwind.  Lots of sicknesses (can you say “walking pneumonia?”) and lots of writing.  I’m proud of the latter, pissed at the other.  Seriously, walking pneumonia can kiss my ass.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this fucking sick.  It’s taken more than seven weeks, but my cough is finally starting to subside and I pretty much feel human again.

But, sickness aside, there has been major progress on my–still untitled–fantasy novel.  We won’t speak of how I pretty much think it’ll never have a title.  When I last updated, I only had one chapter.  Granted, it was a good one–but still only one.

Fast forward to today, and I’m proud to say that not only is the outline for the entire trilogy complete, (yes, you heard that right, this sucker is a series!) but I have eight full chapters plus a prologue and have just started a ninth.

When I was writing fanfic, I tended to churn out chapters much faster.  In the world of “write, beta and post immediately”, my turnaround was much quicker.  Readers of fic are voracious, and they want updates YESTERDAY.  Now, I’m really proud to say that my reader base was always very understanding about my few-and-far-between updates, and I’m going to toot my own horn and say that it was because I was really good at what I was doing.  They didn’t mind if it took me two months or two weeks to get another chapter out.  I’m really enjoying this new way of working, being able to hold onto everything and go back and change as I see fit–or in my case, come up with more backstory that necessitates edits in previous chapters.

Speaking of backstory, in these past several months, I have come up with so much of it that I could probably write books with just that content.  I probably would have completed more chapters had I not spent weeks creating backstory.  Yes, most of it will probably not be seen by eyes other than my own, but the content is so important to the overall story that it needed to be done.  I need to understand the world first, so my readers can enjoy it later.

I had always intended for this story to be told in more than one book, and just in the last week the timeline/outline for the entire thing was completed.  I’m fairly confident that there aren’t any plot holes, and that I can easily work with the structure I’ve created for the story.  I’m so excited, I can hardly stand it.  To see everything right before my eyes, how I intend it to be once it’s written, is very rewarding.  Now I just have to actually do it.

So, I continue on my journey of my first original piece.  I want to get as much as I possibly can finished before the boy gets out of school for the summer. Because once he’s out, mama belongs to him.  I can’t write when he’s around anyway, and I want to spend the summer hanging out.  He wants to bake cakes covered in fondant.  I have never in my life worked with fondant, and to be honest, it creeps me out.  But, I’m willing to touch it if it means having fun with the beast.

This means I have six weeks to create as much as I can.  Six weeks to lock everything down.  Six weeks to plan out as much as I can so I can make the most of my writing time after he goes to bed every night once he’s out of school.

I’m not giving myself a deadline for completion–I never have with anything I’ve written.  When I’m satisfied, then it’ll be finished.

Until then, I keep plodding away, loving every minute of this crazy ride that I’ve hopped onto.

Oh, and my characters finally all have fucking names.  Thank Jeebus.