A Mincemeat WHAT?? (Take on This!)

Published May 11, 2015 by authorbebedora

Take on This!

—-A Mincemeat What?—-

 

You can’t deny that when it comes to artistic talent, Morten is near the top in most of the categories.

Let’s forget for a moment that the man sings like an angel. When we strip away that voice, we’re still left with an extremely talented (and devastatingly handsome) artist. For years, he’s been drawing and painting. John Ratcliff has been kind enough to share drawings and paintings that Morten did in London in the early eighties. Usually done in the studio during down times while recording tracks, they are true works of art.

He created stunning self-portraits that mirror the work of professional artists. One in particular seems to be painted with watercolors, and is simply sublime. Even without facial details and the like, one can instantly tell that it’s Morten lying on a couch reading a book.

jr3

Others are drawn simply, with no color at all—as if any was needed anyway.

jr4

They’ve both been described as showing what Morten thought his persona might be onstage. The shirtless one? While I think we can all agree that the abs, pecs and arms are what our dreams are made of, the pants are a different entity all by themselves. (I’ve just noticed that Morten’s choice of pants—whether in real life or in drawing-form—tend to be a topic of ‘what the hell?’ amongst us…) Putting the somewhat questionable trousers aside for a moment, it’s obvious that the drawing is of himself, even down to the earlobes.

jr1

The drawing with the microphone? I wish I could bring up Morten’s choice in pants again, but…this version of himself seems to be…ummm… without them. Now, I could make a risqué remark about how we all would probably enjoy a pants-less Morten, but I’ll just let everyone do it on their own.

*waits patiently*

Everybody done? Good.

Exposed legs and strange boots aside, this piece again showcases Morten’s incredible talent. This is a guy who knows a lot of artistic techniques. I’m not going to pretend I know anything much about art and I won’t use big words that I don’t know the definitions to in order to make me look smart, but I will say that this could easily have been published in an art book.

I would love to be able to ask him why he chose this persona as one possible stage presence. Was it harkening back to his childhood fantasies? He once remarked that he had a dream as a child about riding a white horse through a field—with aquariums towed behind for good measure—with the intent of galloping off into the sunset with the teacher he was in love with. Were these images the adult version of that hero? Or perhaps he envisioned both Paul and Mags following suit with their attire. (And that would have been FREAKING HILARIOUS.)

All kidding aside, both of these sketches are incredible. And to think that they were created in a dark studio while recording what would become their debut album. When it rains, it pours, I guess.

jr2
Then, on the other hand, we have ‘the rabbit-squirrel.’ I’m not quite sure of the species; it seems to be a hybrid. Maybe it’s another figment of Morten’s childhood fantasies.

Before I talk about the gesture that it’s flashing, let’s take a moment to appreciate the incredible colors and details. (See? I’m trying to be artsy before I talk about making fingers.) The tree’s leaves have a softness to them, the rabbit’s overalls are brightly colo—

Oh forget it; let’s discuss the obscene hand signal that this bunny seems to love. That’s right, I’m one classy broad.

I’ve seen our three favorite Norwegians flip the bird in several photos. Morten seems to have the most evidence stacked against him…clearly a man after my own heart. I’m assuming it has the same meaning in Europe as it does in North America, but I could be wrong. (I just researched it…yes, you read that right. I’m a legitimate journalist, dammit!) It seems that Norwegians flip the bird just like everyone else, and it means the same naughty thing.

So the question is: why? Is the rabbit mad at someone? Maybe he’s upset that he doesn’t have any shoes. Did he just wake up and is crabby? Perhaps he’s just a jerk.

I guess that’s a question that needs to go on the “To ask Morten” list.

But did you know he’s even dabbled in sculpting?

Sculpting?

Oh yes.

The piece of art in question was actually a gift. Friendship knows no boundaries, I guess.

Mags got married in 1992. Like for most guys, there was a bachelor party. Now, I wasn’t there and I don’t know what went on, but from the looks of the picture in question, I’m guessing there was quite a bit of alcohol involved. I mean, look at Mags’ hat and expression for crying out loud.

mincemeat

But what’s that we see in the foreground?

Yes…THAT.

No, you’re not seeing things. That’s a giant…ummm…well, you know.

//whispers// Penis.

Made out of mincemeat.

By Morten.

What a friend.

It measured just under 3 feet tall, no small feat. I could make a size-doesn’t-matter joke here, but I’ll refrain. Let’s just hope no one had a Napoleon complex that night.

Listen, I’m not a guy. I don’t pretend to know what goes on in the minds of guys. I’ve seen some pretty funny shit in my time alive, partly in thanks to the men in my life. (I’m looking at you, baby brother…) But this one dumbfounds me. So many questions come to mind.

Where was it made? In your own kitchen? Your mom’s? If so, what on Earth did she think about what you were doing? Did Camilla help?

How did you create it? Is it reinforced?

Why mincemeat? Why not marzipan, or cake?

Did you guys actually…eat it?

See? These are burning questions that need answers. Not just for my own sanity, but so all of us women out there can try and understand men just a little better. Think of it as helping to better humanity by explaining.

Plus, I’m dying to know what Mags’ wife thought of it…

…and if she ever looked at Morten the same way again.

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